I Typed for Miles

The Bristled Presidential Physiognomy, Part 1: O' Wooly Pioneer

2011-09-07T07:46:00.000-07:00

There are few things that lift my spirits on glum days more than the sight of excellent presidential facial hair. Sadly, Washington political culture has long since abandoned the acceptance of grizzly executive maws. I consider such relinquishment to be an incredible loss for the Spirit of America, which likely cries out in sorrowful howls for the days when our handsomest male politicians could openly sport a goat without instantly being labeled a Marxist. The course of presidential facial hair is an interesting one, and it all started with the fuzzy, delicious muttonchops of Martin Van Buren. (If you thought, "What about J.Q. Adams' sideburns?" then you should slap yourself. Every professional historian knows that those were both pitiful and fake.)

Star-Spangled Sideburns

This former Secretary of State, Vice-President to Andrew Jackson, and 8th American President was an impressive political figure in his time, but let's skip all that and focus on what his Wampa Paws achieved for the United States and its people. Because he was a widower during his tenure as VP, Martin's facial hair was dubbed "Hannah's Eaton-Your-Head" after his late wife Hannah and the era's most controversial social figure, Peggy Eaton. Upon assuming the face of the presidency in 1837, the "Little Magician's" "Big Enchantments" solved the Panic of 1837 of their own free will through sheer intimidation. The so-called "most terrifying crisis of the time" shrunk back into the speculative minds that created it, cowering at the frightening sight of two disembodied velutinous monstrosities charging into the Second Bank of the United States with horrifying glares in its nonexistent eyes. This legendary act of bravery and surprising sentience cemented the Executive Fluff as a popular folk hero.

Advising President Van Buren, Martin's Muttons crafted a series of lower tariffs and even convinced the commander-in-chief to engage in diplomacy with Mexico instead of armed conflict. Although the Sensational Sideburns protested, Van Buren continued Andrew Jackson's genocidal Indian Policy and the president presided over the continuation of the Trail of Tears as well as the carrying-on of the Second Seminole War. Disapproving but undyingly loyal, Hannah's Eaton-Your-Head stayed with Martin until the end of his term in 1841, after which the two parted ways. Van Buren replaced his facial hair with bushels of tangible sadness during his 1848 third-party presidential bid, although these frizzy impressions proved to be less politically adept than his former cranium companion. While the 8th president was blamed in his time for the nation's economic problems, his facial hair remained popular with the voting public despite its retirement from political life. Because hair is immortal, these particular facial adornments now live in Hollywood where it is the most famous hair-acter actor of the silver screen, most notably for its work as Wolverine's feral fuzz in the X-Men films. Truly, this 'Chops-in-Chief was a trailblazer for all future presidential facial hair.

"I stood as a bright light for the nation in dark times and now I sleep on piles of Andrew Jackson's face." - Hannah's Eaton-Your-Head, 2009.

Calculated With an Imaginary Abacus

2011-08-10T14:16:00.000-07:00

As the summer draws ever closer to an end and the onset of the upcoming semester draws near, I sit stunned that I completely forgot the fact that I have a blog floating out in unmonitored internet space. I honestly have no idea why it exists. I do not have much to say as it is, so do I really need a private forum in which to shout nothing to the infinitely non-existent crowds? The answer is a resounding no. But I think I will continue to periodically update it regardless. Why? There is no answer.

The Return and Temporary Disappearance of a Brain

2011-04-19T17:33:00.000-07:00

It seems that I have once again allowed an incredible expanse of time to pass between blog posts. This is allowable due to the fact that I have once again had a semester full of book reviews, research papers, and also comprehensive exams, which I have passed with flying colors. Now the semester is drawing to a close with only Spring Break and two weeks of class left. But fear not, followers of this blog that do not exist and/or random internet passerby who for some reason stumbled upon the ramblings of a deranged human male, for I shall try to keep this regularly updated during the summer as I will have little to do except for my part-time job and building an applewood-scented shrinking ray that only affects objects made of solid copper.

What I feel like at the end of every semester, sans awesome beard.

What treasures will I bring forth from this eternal twizzling puzzlebox that I casually refer to as my mind? Who knows?! Only the shadow knows...and me, Jesse Doctor. Until then, I have twenty-five pages left to write until I am finally done, so I shall be an absentee bloglord for at least several more weeks.

As a side note, I mentioned in my last post that I was hoping to publish that lengthy primary source research paper as an article. That did not happen because the professor said that while my paper was informative, it was a bit boring and "merely good." So that happened.

The Incredible Headwear of Pope Innocent III on the Trail of Broken Treaties

2010-11-15T21:19:00.000-08:00

There are few things that I enjoy more than writing two lengthy research papers at the same time. When I use the word "enjoy," what I really mean is "despise." My first research paper that will clock in around thirty pages is largely based on my own primary source research on several treaties made with the Plains Indians. I am very excited about it and hope to send it off for possible publication when the semester is finished. I would elaborate, but I am fairly certain that doing so violates certain academic standards. Therefore, I can say even less about my second research paper, which will be around twenty pages. I am not excited about it at all but I foolishly took the seminar on Medieval Europe, which I have no interest in whatsoever. I hastily chose Pope Innocent III as this paper's subject and it will likely not break any new scholarly ground. I desperately wish that this second paper could be on papal headgear because they really know how to rock out with their Holy See out, for real.

His hat represents certain infallible OH MY GOD HIS EYES

Presidential Lanterns: Green

2010-06-09T15:07:00.000-07:00

Here is another pointless image that was birthed unto the non-expectant, uninterested parent known as reality.

The Green Lantern Corps wield the green light of Will, and if there's one president who seemingly had more willpower than any other, it would most assuredly be Theodore Roosevelt. If there was something that man wanted to do, he immediately set out to accomplish it, and if he was unable to, he would just keep trying. Just think of the things that he could have accomplished if he had a green superweapon fueled by his own indomitable will.

Presidential Lanterns: Blue

2010-06-08T17:34:00.000-07:00

I made this image on a whim about a month ago while screwing around in Gimp. There is no reason for this image to exist.

The Blue Lanterns carry the blue light of Hope, and no president seemed more appropriate than JFK. Barack Obama was a bit too obvious and recent.

I don't know.

Overanalyzing the Legion of Doom 3: We Don't Need No Stinking Superpowers

2010-03-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

Simply doing two parts of this horrible idea for a series wore me out. However, since I'm so close to ending this horror I hath birthed, I will proceed with my analysis of the Legion's non-superpowered members.

Oh no! Black Manta is trying to get the remaining members away from this terrible blog!
Whereas the only regular SuperFriends members that don't have special powers are Batman and Robin (for those of you with lives more mundane than mine, you will notice that I am refusing to acknowledge the existence of Super Marv and Wendy the Librarian), the Legion sports seven "normal" human members. (Previously mentioned: Lex Luthor and sort of Black Manta). These members are the one-note Cheetah, offbeat genius Riddler, perplexing Scarecrow, average working-man criminal Captain Cold, and the worst person of all: Toyman.

Cheetah

Real Name: Priscilla Rich
Superpowers: None
Abilities: Cheetah-skin costume with claws, Eartha Kitt impression
Weaknesses: Annoying speech cadence, animal rights activists

Cheetah is a villainess in an animal-skin costume who somehow became Wonder Woman's archenemy. Out of all of the superpowerless Legion members, she does the most physical fighting, most likely because that is all she really can do. As the only female member (notice my purposeful exclusion of she-ape Giganta), she takes part in conversations quite a bit. Cheetah speaks exactly like Eartha Kitt's 1960's Batman Catwoman, and it will easily get on your nerves. Cheetahs are large cats known for being the fastest land animal, so it's strange that this Cheetah can't even run faster than a human. Much like a cat, however, she is very crafty, but her personality ends there. It's actually very believable that she joined the Legion, as she can be backed by a gallery of powerful people while she, with her limited abilities and terrible gimmick choice, shares an equal amount of any gains made.

The Riddler

Real Name: Edward Nygma
Superpowers: None
Abilities: Creating an endless stream of simple yet effective puzzles and riddles
Weaknesses: Compulsion to leave riddle-clues of his crimes, terrible sense of humor

Riddler is arguably Batman's smartest villain. However, for deciding to join the Legion of Doom, his intelligence is clearly arguable. Unlike later incarnations, this Riddler is kind of a nuisance, and his "riddles" are merely lame jokes in disguise. My understanding is that the Riddler was chosen for the show because they couldn't acquire the legal rights to the Joker, which may explain the failed humorousness this character is supposed to portray. He is sometimes called upon to craft a difficult puzzle to stall the heroes, but it's really nothing that Brainiac couldn't accomplish. Riddler is more of a lone player, so his decision to join the Legion can only be attributed to the aforementioned Joker substitution.

Scarecrow

Real Name: Jonathan Crane
Superpowers: None
Abilities: Expert on fear, prevents crows from eating your corn crop
Weaknesses: Never being given any interesting tasks to accomplish, flammable costume

Despite how much I love this character, he does the least of any Legion member, most likely as a result of the writers having no idea how to use him. The Scarecrow's inclusion in the Legion could possibly also be attributed to the Joker's absence, as he provides the necessary fear factor that the Riddler lacks. This was a failed endeavor, however, because, outside of a few tasks completely unrelated to his areas of expertise, he pretty much just sits there and looks intimidating. With how interesting the character is, it seems like more could have been done with him. I'd even accept Black Manta lighting him on fire and catapulting him at the Hall of Justice. Give this man something to do!

Captain Cold

Real Name: Len Snart
Superpowers: None
Abilities: Absolute-zero freeze gun, making "cold" puns
Weaknesses: Always wearing a parka, having few speaking lines

Captain Cold is the most notorious enemy of the Flash and a classic example of a common criminal with a silly gimmick. Much like Scarecrow, he doesn't say much, and when he does, he's almost always turning a phrase into a pun...or rather, turning a cold shoulder to proper banter. (Did you see what I did there?) In battles he almost always fights his archenemy, only to be dispatched seconds later. His limited role leaves little room for a definable personality. Being a regular joe who happens to have a freeze gun, the Legion's whole "take over the world" scheme doesn't seem to fit well with the good Captain, whose ambitions were initially the simple acquisition of stolen money to impress women. You might say the pairing of Captain Cold with the Legion is an...avalanche of a mistake. I apologize for the preceding sentence.

Toyman

Real Name: Jack Nimball
Superpowers: None
Abilities: Mechanical prowess that manifest in the creation of deadly "toys"
Weaknesses: The single most aggravating character in the series (Yes, even more so than Super Marv)

This particular Toyman is a third-rate Superman villain (in case you're counting, Superman has four rogues in the Legion) who somehow weaseled his way into this elite group of supervillains. Possessing no powers, he attempts to make up for it by creating dastardly toys. He does this surprisingly often, even though, once again, Brainiac could easily build more destructive machines, rendering Toyman the most useless member of the Legion. If that was not enough, he was extremely aggravating, with a high-pitched voice and a nails-on-chalkboard laugh. He actually does have a displayed personality, shown to be much more immature and naive than the other villains. He most likely joined with the Legion for the same reason as Cheetah: hitching a ride to bigger and better things because he just couldn't cut it by himself. I cannot emphasize enough how much I despise this character, so I will stop writing about him now.

Well, that does it for my lackluster idea for a blog post series. It started with me making bald jokes about Lex Luthor and ended with me expressing my dislike for Toyman. These three posts are perhaps the single most pointless project I have ever embarked upon, and I wholeheartedly enjoyed writing them.

Overanalyzing the Legion of Doom 2: When All Else Fails, Punch It Really Hard

2010-03-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

In the not-long-awaited second part of this series, I search for the personalities and motivations held by the Legion of Doom's heavy hitters.

BIZARRO LOVE SOLOMON GRUNDY
Within the context of the series, these characters are essentially used to cancel out the superstrong SuperFriends members: Bizarro to Superman, Black Manta to Aquaman, Sinestro to Green Lantern, Giganta to Apache Chief, and Solomon Grundy to anything else. Coincidentally, these are some of more memorable members of the Legion because of their wonderfully strange appearances and affectations. Even with those boons, however, everyone outside of Bizarro falls ridiculously flat. Avert your eyes, for my analysis is forthcoming!

Bizarro
Real Name: Kal-El (duplicate)
Superpowers: Super strength, super speed, super vision, super breath, invulnerability
Abilities: None
Weaknesses: Blue Kryptonite, proper grammar

Bizarro is an imperfect duplicate of Superman, more accurately described as a Reverse-Superman. They have the same powers, although they are negatively affected by different forms of Kryptonite. He is the strongest member of the Legion and also the stupidest. His personality is depicted in Challenge of the SuperFriends series as the polar opposite of Superman, purely evil and unsympathetic. In later Hanna-Barbera series, Bizarro is viewed more sympathetically as an extremely powerful idiot who generally follows the influence of anyone who pays him any attention, hero and villain alike. He just wants to be accepted, and is willing to create other "bizarro" beings to fulfill this need. Bizarro's motivation is therefore clear: he hangs around with the Legion and does whatever Luthor tells him to do because he thinks they're his buddies. Poor Bizarro!

Black Manta
Real Name: Unknown
Superpowers: Enhancements that match Aquaman's super strength and agility. Also, laser helmet.
Abilities: Master of underwater combat and ocean-appropriate weaponry
Weaknesses: Oxygen tanks running out, racism

Black Manta is an underwater pirate, archnemesis of Aquaman, and the only African-American member of the Legion. Manta and the other black guy on the show, the hero Black Vulcan, both have "Black" in their codenames. I don't know what to do with that information. (Fun fact: diversity was a problem for the SuperFriends lineup, so producers created "ethnic" superheroes for the team. The Legion did not have this problem, with a black pirate, a gorilla, a pink alien, and a zombie bringing the diversity wholesale.) Black Manta himself serves primarily to duke it out with Aquaman, on land or the under the sea. He has little going for personality other than his crazy appearance and fantastic garbled voice. His motivation for joining the Legion is unclear, because it would make more sense for him to be off plundering the high seas while Aquaman is busy fighting the Legion on his own time. Still, he carries around an electric harpoon under water, so that's kind of cool.

Solomon Grundy

Real Name: Cyrus Gold
Superpowers: Super strength, invulnerability, zombism
Abilities: None
Weaknesses: Fancy book learnin'

Solomon Grundy is a giant zombie that barely beats Bizarro in the intelligence department. He is given a snarling Appalachian accent in the series, which is strange because he's from Gotham City. I had some harsh words to say about Grundy until I recently watched the episode "Monolith of Evil" in which he singlehandedly comes up with an absurd plan to steal an "evil" power source that, surprisingly, turns out to be legitimate. For a guy who spends the rest of the series referring to himself in the third person and punching things, it was an anomalous moment of brilliance. Because he is an evil zombie, he doesn't have much of a personality. However, his motivation for joining the Legion is fairly obvious: evil supervillains love having zombies around to attack things for them.

Giganta

Real Name: Doris Zeul
Superpowers: Size alteration up to 50 feet tall, granting super strength and invulnerability
Abilities: None
Weaknesses: Being a former gorilla, she technically lacks human rights

Giganta was once a female gorilla, experimented on by Grodd and turned into a human. She stole Apache Chief's magic to gain similar powers. She doesn't have very many speaking lines, but when she does say something, she does in fact sound like a gorilla. Giganta primarily serves to fight the Apache Chief, two giants pointlessly punching each other. Given her limited role, her personality is not explored, aside from the mention that her evil character turns more evil with her size. It can be assumed that she doesn't have much motivation to join the Legion, but the fact that she is devoted to Grodd is apparently reason enough. And hey, she gives the Legion one more female member than the SuperFriends.

Sinestro

Real Name: Thaal Sinestro
Superpowers: Yellow Power Ring
Abilities: Extreme control of will power
Weaknesses: Receding hairlines

Sinestro was once a Green Lantern himself, until he decided to take authoritarian control of his own patrol sector. He later procured a yellow power ring with similar qualities to the Green Lanterns' weapon. Despite having one of the most powerful weapons in the universe, Sinestro does not do a whole lot in the Legion besides cancel out Green Lantern and create yellow monster constructs that briefly occupy the other heroes. Much like the other cardboard Legion members, he is portrayed as arrogant and exceedingly evil, with little else there. As far as joining up with the Legion, no exact reason exists, as he could more easily be swearing revenge against other Green Lanterns in the universe without constantly having to deal with the added obstacle of Superman. It's kind of alarming how underused he was, considering how incredibly dangerous he can be. Maybe they thought his large forehead, thin body, and ridiculous costume didn't exactly make for the most menacing bad guy.

The ridiculous nature of these blog posts is already wearing me out, but with two down, I guess I'll just have to force my way through the third. The last, final post will cover the last five, superpowerless members of the Legion: Cheetah, Riddler, Scarecrow, Captain Cold, and Toyman.

Overanalyzing The Legion of Doom 1: Perchance to Dream...of EVIL

2010-03-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

This may be the nerdiest thing I have ever actually sat down, planned out, and attempted to write. But since this blog exists to showcase my incredible thoughts that no one will ever hear out there in the real world, this series of posts will be spectacularly appropriate. Do not be surprised if I never rejoin society after this is written, driven mad by own hyper-esoteric musings involving a 1970's cartoon (created for the simple minds of children, no less) that I have not viewed since I was myself quite young.

"...the same thing we do every episode, Bizarro: take over the world!"

The Legion of Doom was a team of supervillains created specifically for the Hanna-Barbera cartoon, The Challenge of the SuperFriends, apparently after someone realized that the previous SuperFriends cartoon's formula of prevailing over their foes (mostly common criminals) was clearly an unfair battle. The Legion consisted of "thirteen of the most sinister villains of all time" who were on a constant quest to rule the world, but in order to do so, had to concoct insane plans to get rid of the SuperFriends. After the Hanna-Barbera DC cartoons ended, the Legion did not return until a more elaborate version appeared in the second season of Justice League Unlimited (2006). The goal of these posts is to analyze the individual members of the team and attempt to discover their personalities and motives.

While the Legion is a great concept in theory, its execution was somewhat bizarre. The only member that seems to have any sort of personality is the leader, Lex Luthor. This is surprising considering the power-mad ambitions of Legion members Gorilla Grodd, Brainiac, and Sinestro. Outside of Luthor, the other members seem to be complacent soldiers who blindly follow whatever plan he creates. My realization of this fact was the catalyst for these posts. I will start with three members for this post, and five members for the two subsequent posts. The three for this post will be the super-intelligent villains: Lex Luthor, Brainiac, and Gorilla Grodd.

Lex Luthor
Real Name: Alexander Luthor
Superpowers: None
Abilities: Extremely intelligent, skilled inventor and criminal mastermind
Weaknesses: Failed hair restoration treatments, hubris

Lex Luthor is a mad scientist who hates Superman because he blames him for the loss of his hair. If you had a glorious flop of curly red hair that was permanently destroyed because Superman accidentally blew hair-destroying vapors in your general direction, you'd take on a lifetime of vengeance too. He has a short temper and becomes infuriated whenever his plans are challenged. Luthor seems to have an infinite store of unrealistic sinister plots that he never fails to bring to reality. Yet somehow, they are always stopped, by justice. His motivations are clear: revenge on Superman and becoming the supreme ruler of the world. He is greedy, angry, and bald. These are traits that remain consistent throughout the various Hanna-Barbera series.

Brainiac
Real Name: Vril Dox
Superpowers: Various technological improvements (enhanced strength, force fields, etc.)
Abilities: Extremely intelligent, master of science and technology, able to construct incredible weapons and other machines
Weaknesses: Poor utilization by the show's production team

Brainiac is a supercomputer android from an unspecified location in space. He is an enemy of Superman, and this may be related to past exploits against the planet Krypton before it was destroyed. Yes, this character terrorized entire planets and for some reason joined up with a mishmash group of villains in a swamp on Earth. Strictly speaking, he is the single most powerful member of the Legion, but for some reason always takes a backseat to Luthor as "the other bald smart guy who invents doomsday devices."

He really has no good reason to be a part of the group, especially since this incarnation does not seem to have a particularly urgent vendetta against Superman. His personality is almost nonexistent, but since he is an android, this might be accidentally accurate. If I were to step into the realm of the absurd, I would speculate that Brainiac was part of the Legion as part of some future insidious plan that involved his destruction of Earth, but in reality he's merely utilized by the show's production staff as another warm body to throw at the superheroes.

Or maybe he just wants some nice pants.

Gorilla Grodd
Real Name: Grodd
Superpowers: None, but being a gorilla, he is much stronger and more agile than the average human
Abilities: Extremely intelligent, being a talking gorilla
Weaknesses: Bananas, zoo cages

Gorilla Grodd hails from Gorilla City, a hidden utopia of intelligent, upright-walking gorillas. Grodd is the smartest of these gorillas and also the most evil, thus being exiled to live in man's world. Considering that his main attribute is his intellect, it's a real shame that he was treated by the show's writers as just another talking gorilla. He sometimes displays his smartness by contributing complicated schemes to the Legion, but most often he just punches things like a normal angry gorilla. (Curiously, in the comics he has psionic powers, which were omitted from this show, and rarely uses brute force). He is an enemy of the Flash, but does not necessarily specify this in the series. Since he is portrayed as an angry snarling gorilla who can talk and enjoys punching things, he has little personality. His motivations are equally mysterious. But really, what is an evil talking gorilla banned from his home going to do, start a small business and live comfortably in American society?

This god-awful exercise in pointlessness shall be continued next time with an unnecessary analysis of the Legion's muscle: Bizarro, Solomon Grundy, Giganta, Black Manta, and Sinestro.

Zachary Taylor and the Goblet of Milk & Cherries

2010-01-23T18:40:00.000-08:00

Zachary Taylor was the only U.S. president to have lived in the state of Louisiana. While the average American citizen probably has no idea about who he was, it is interesting to note that this will not affect their lives at all. Why is this? Well, Zachary Taylor is one of the most uninteresting people to sit in the Oval Office. He was the twelth president of the United States, and no one cares. I find all of this to be tremendously hilarious. In an attempt to make him at least a little bit entertaining to the layperson, I will briefly go over a few amusing facets of his presidential life.

Taylor's pre-presidential life is where most of his appeal comes from. He served in the Army for forty years, and rose to be a prominent general. He even earned the nickname "Old Rough and Ready" during the Seminole Indian War, which clearly denotes youthful vigor, fun-loving personality, and laid-back attitude. Taylor was quite possibly the most important American field commander in the Mexican-American War. In fact, President James K. Polk removed him from the field because he was way too successful and newspapers hyped him a possible future president. However, since that is already interesting, I will completely avoid talking about the details.

Taylor was the least political president in our nation's history. His personal political beliefs basically amounted to "I do not know, nor do I really care." Taylor had not held public office of any kind before becoming president. He was essentially just a 'War Hero' figurehead for the Whig Party that payed off during the 1848 election. He had no idea that he had been elected for several days. Walking to the local post office to find out if he had won was something he procrastinated over for a few days. I guess there were more important things going on in his life that were more of a priority than holding the highest office in the country.

Pictured: An arguably fun guy who may or may not have had a sense of humor.
Being a wealthy Southerner, Old Rough and Ready owned over one hundred slaves. However, this did not prevent him from opposing slavery expansion into new states. How did this happen? A slim majority of the Whig Party opposed slavery, and Taylor just went along with what they requested of him.

Zachary Taylor's personal cavalry horse was named Old Whitey. (Racism!) When Taylor became president, the horse lived and grazed on the White House lawn, becoming a popular tourist attraction. You know that you really need to improve your public image when your elderly horse, who routinely defecates in front of one of the most prestigious buildings in the world, is way more popular than you are.

Zachary's wife, Margaret Taylor, was something of a shut-in and spent most of her time as First Lady alone in her quarters. While she fervently supported her husband's military career, she absolutely hated the fact that her husband was the president and actively objected to his political endeavors.

Probably the single most interesting thing about Zachary Taylor's presidency is its abrupt end. Taylor's mortal demise remains the most ridiculous presidential death of all time. While at an Independence Day soirée, he consumed a bit too many cherries and a bit too much milk. This made him ill and he developed gastroenteritis. He died halfway through his first term, making way for the second-least interesting president, Millard Fillmore.

Pictured: DEATH.
I hope that reading these facts has been an enlightening foray into the dull life of America's most mundane leader. As for myself, I believe that I have successfully divulged some of the truly useless information on esoteric subjects that I have acquired over the years, which is gratifying on a personal level. I sincerely hope that none of the information presented here is of any use to anyone.

Greed Is The Most Powerful Weapon

2010-01-19T22:20:00.000-08:00

Watch as Namor the Sub-Mariner defeats the Fantastic Four with nothing but the sweet smell of crisp dollar bills. Why have no other villains thought of purchasing film studios? It seems like the only logical thing to do when you get bored.

I have an irregularly-updated Tumblr page where I post silly comic images and make jokes about it. It is a colossal waste of both your time and mine: Panelmonium.

I keep the important things to myself

2010-01-11T00:13:00.000-08:00

It is just past midnight, officially making it January 11, 2010. I am wearing ugly flannel pants and an old sweater to sleep in because this house is colder than Len Snart. I've been tending a fire all night and I accidentally burned the base of one of my fingers. This unusually cold weather is a welcome change to the seventy degree weather that hovered around Christmas. (I am actually wearing scarves right now.) I've done nothing of worth all weekend and now I'm just awake listening to Castevet, whose debut release, Summer Fences, may be one of my favorite albums of the past year.

This is a scarf.

I do not really have anything to say, but I thought I should update this blog at least once every so often. I will say this though: I watched the Robert Zemeckis-directed Beowulf film the other day and it is the first time in my life that I have fallen asleep during a movie viewing. I wasn't particularly tired and it wasn't particularly boring, but it was so calm and slow that I'm surprised people actually went to see it in theater, but then I remembered it was advertised as a fierce action movie and not a poetic labor-of-love project. I'm not going to write a movie review on it, but I did enjoy the liberties that one of my favorite authors, Neil Gaiman, took with the screenplay in transforming the classic poem into a narrative that is more coherent and modern. Still, that didn't save the movie from being an absolute snail.

That's all I have until I decide to update this thing again or actually remember to write down my thoughts on things, as they are more important and interesting than the thoughts of anyone else in the world.

Spare Time, I Could Use More

2009-09-25T23:03:00.000-07:00

I would like to write more posts, but I am so busy with schoolwork that I barely have enough time to eat and sleep as it is. I treasure the moments I have in between reading books and writing papers, so I decided to write about them, because it's the most interesting thing I've thought about lately that is not history-related.

The first is, of course, sleeping uncomfortably for short amounts of time. This can happen anywhere, which makes it similar to dying in a tragic accident, except there is less dying and involved and the accident is more akin to an unfortunate mishap. So, I guess it's really not like dying in a tragic accident at all. At any rate, this plague strikes me when I am at my weakest, which is normally towards the end of the week. It can occur while I'm at work, reading at home, or working in the library (my home away from home). I will drift off for a few minutes, wake up, startled, and move on with whatever I was doing beforehand. I really should get more sleep.

I tried thinking of another thing that I do in between breaths, but I realized that I don't do much of anything else. Unless I count sitting on my couch, sipping tea, trying to motivate myself to not give up as I watch my gray hair display itself more prominently upon my head.

My Potential Waterloo

2009-08-27T12:30:00.000-07:00

The jump from being an undergraduate student to a graduate student is like being a burger flipper at a fast food place to suddenly having to manage a swanky five-star restaurant. The amount of work you have is greatly increased, becoming the all-consuming motive for your very existence. Honestly, if I previously had anything resembling an active and social lifestyle, I have no idea how I would handle myself in my current situation.

For the first time in my life, I feel like a malformed mental midget among confidently intellectual giants. The sheer amount of work I have to accomplish in the next few days alone both startles and frightens me, and being frightened by academic work is a new sensation for me. Granted, I never expected graduate school to be easy; I always knew it would be a serious challenge. I am not going to give up, because that is something I will never do.

My only hope is that I will adapt to the constant pressure and insanely high work ethic required to receive a master's degree in history. I believe I will succeed, because I must succeed.

Success!

2009-08-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

I'm creating this blog because my old blog was updated infrequently and also because I never really liked Wordpress. However, I did succeed in one area: creating the most boring blog on the entire Internet. I'd like to say that that was my goal from the outset, but it was really just an excuse for my terrible blogging frequency. I aim to make this blog slightly less boring than my last one. That's all for now.